here.
i remember feeling present, in this now with every moment sweeping by me and leaveing me untouched. I forgot the now, my 'real' and my 'ego' sense of the world
It felt wonderful to be a baby in the arms of the earth
pushed to the bosom of the planet
It felt wonderful never to be separated from my mother
Reality
the 'as we know it' reality
fractured
there were spirals in red and blue and indigo spinining tight cocentric patterns
I knew what it was to be dead
my pupil opened
my pupil taught
I was new and pressed against a cleaner world
spread out on a ride in the only real there is to feel
i was animal, i was joy, i was mutable beyond comparison
I had true animal loves for the persons that i dreamt for my self
control
money?
these things passed without meaning anything
away
away was somewhere i could go
but i then realized i would always be
HERE.
NOW.
With and without
never
always
ultimateums faded with the ego
the room undulated and swam away
the faces shone like the angels we are
blood pulsed in us and it was good
games
games
everyone played such games
the children among us laughed at the ludicrous hilarity of everything
they went back to being animals for a time and were free
the grass was a sea under the orange city lights
i remember the undulations in the yard
the earth moving like water
the blue melting under the paper
the oils still swimming on the canvas
and i realized that i was seeing everything exactly as it is
i was witnessing atomic motion
i was witnessing the ocean in the grain of sand
i understood equality for the first time
i understood myself, my shortcomings and desires
they looked evil to me
they were evil
i pulled myself apart and stared at my 'self' my human core
it was demonic, sick, dying
i realized my death
i was at peace
there was no internal dialouge, no fathers voice, no mothers voice, no childs voice
sweet silence
awe
the snow in that winter was white diamonds in piles that made me richer
than anyone
love and everything else was pure
unadulterated
my gauntlet run
i was useful now
a member of the tribe
real as anything
real as everything